Theo Von Opened for Trump in Qatar, Shocked Troops with Cringe Jokes About 9/11
Whether you’re coming to this article as a Theo Von hater, a Theo Von lover or someone largely indifferent to him, I actually think we can find some common ground: We all really wish I wasn’t writing an article about Theo Von’s politics.
From what I know of the guy, he’s more of a party-story bro comic, and he could have made all of our lives easier by sticking to hold-my-beer material. He seems like the kind of guy to lament that comedy’s become “so political now,” but the fact is, you’re shoving yourself into it. I don’t know if it’s a misguided obligation or a need to seem more intellectual, but you’re the one talking about tariffs on your podcast about how your buddy got a raccoon drunk once, dude.
Don't Miss
Just enjoy the fame and realize no one wants to hear about this from you. If Chris Pratt does it, you can too.
In the smallest of silver linings, this is at least about an actual comedy set, reportedly not his best. Von was recently in Qatar at the behest of Donald Trump, and while there, was recruited last-minute to open for the president. Peforming for the troops isn’t a new experience for Von, as he’s performed on multiple USO comedy tours before. That may have actually been his downfall, pulling on his experience of what I’ve heard are raunchy, free-wheeling performances for troops enjoying a much-needed break, instead of a diplomatic event that happens to have troops in attendance.
As such, the set was unsurprisingly not the most diplomatic, as Von noted in an ittedly funny riff up top, where he mentioned that he’s not sure he should be talking about peace given that he's on TMZ for a bar fight right now. The path was open. Green light means go. Tell a couple tales of debauched adventure, God Bless America and here’s the Big Man. Instead, he decided to start riffing on Qatar and the military in a series of jokes that bombed.
It was an improvised explosive device, if you will, including two particularly inadvisable bits. First, making fun of the Qatari hosts’ traditional garb, describing their robes as making them look like the “Ku Klux Sands” (sources report he said “Ku Klux Sandsman,” but this makes more horrible sense and the word “man” is basically a form of punctuation for Von). Right-wing comics are always like “my free speech is under attack,” and then it’s a pun your grandpa would mutter at the Thanksgiving table after so much scotch he can't who he’s trying to be racist toward.
Von also joked about 9/11, which I’m not going to pretend causes my pearls to be clutched. Given the setting, though, it’s at best inadvisable. Making jokes about 9/11 to troops in the Middle East is like making jokes about immigration policy at an El Salvadorian mega-prison. That’s what got them sent here to die, man. The premise itself wasn’t one anyone in the military, even on the istrative side, would consider a welcome distraction, since he broached the subject by asking, “Where do you guys think the next 9/11 should happen?”
No need to stretch for time, my guy. Hit the A material and get out of there. This isn’t a gig where you need to build rapport by name-dropping Fallujah so that soldiers can go, “Hey, my PTSD is from there!”
Look, if you just want to make jokes and dodge news coverage, do your podcast and stop having dinner with Jared Kushner. When you wear a backwards hat as a daily driver, I promise you no one’s wondering when you’re going to weigh in on ICE’s extrajudicial arrests.
