20 Key & Peele Jokes For The Hall Of Fame
Peele's future horror ambitions. Here are 15 jokes from some of our favorite sketches.
Substitute Teacher
Sub: “Ba-la-kay. Where is Ba-la-kay at? No Ba-la-kay here today?
Blake: “My name’s Blake.”
Sub: “Are you out of your God d*mn mind?”
I Said Biiii*ch
Daryl: “I looked this woman in the eye and I said, *looks over shoulder* biiiiii*ch.”
Craig: “You said bi*ch, though?”
Daryl: “Hm? Yeah…”
Auction Block
Slave 1: “Ok, well you have to buy that dude.”
Slave 2: “It’s a no-brainer.”
Slave 1: “I mean that guy's huge.”
Slave 2: “Anybody would buy him.”
Slave 1: “I’d buy him.”
Turbulence
Without a doubt the best joke from this sketch is the whisper-screaming fight culminating in what appears to be fellatio miming.
Slap-Ass
Rafi: “Guys, who f*cking cares how much I slap-ass? So what, I slap-ass? Big deal man I’m a f*cking baseball player. That's what we do. We f*cking hit home runs and slap-ass.”
Baby Forest
Baby Forest Whitaker: “This is a baba. I want Mama’s milk. Why can’t I have Mama’s milk? It’s a simple request.”
A Capella
“Do you have any idea how long it took me to infiltrate this group? 25 minutes.”
Pizza Order
Pizza Worker to non-existent Claire: “The moment had that unspoken connection about the cheesy crust. I realized that you were always the one. Because and I know this sounds corny because that moment was just like simple.”
Pizza Orderer Making Up Claire: “...Oh my God Claire just got shot!”
East/West College Bowl
“Let’s not forget the tight ends, Ibrahim Moizoos and Hingle McCringleberry. They’ve both had amazing seasons.”
Obama Meet & Greet
White House Staff: “This is John O’Rourke”
Obama: “Nice to meet you, John”
White House Staff: “Ian Roberts”
Obama: “Nice to meet you.”
White House Staff: “Peter Atencio.”
Obama: “Alright, nice to meet you.”
White House Staff: “Jerome Smith.”
Obama: ”C’mon, brother. What’s up fam? You know this.”
Meegan, Come Back
Boyfriend: “I’m gonna throw this jacket in the water!”
Meegan: “Oh nice. That’s really nice.”
Boyfriend: “What do you want me to do, Meegan!?”
Meegan: “Kiss my butthole, okay?”
Anger Translator
Obama: “Luther, rope it in.”
Luther: “Dial it back Luther, damn.”
Black Ice
“It’s scary, tricky, ruthless stuff that black ice. A perfectly safe neighborhood can be suddenly terrorized by the appearance of black ice.”
“For the record black ice never chose to be out here.”
High On Potenuse
Joe: “Good thing I got a 90-degree dangle!”
Teacher: “Joe stop it! You will never be Troy!”
Proud Thug
“You ain’t never gonna catch me sitting in no chairs.”
Gideon’s Kitchen
Chef Gideon: Well Drew, I have a huge problem with this dish. It’s that you haven't made it for me sooner.”
Drew: “Thank you, Chef.”
Chef Gideon: “Because if you had, Drew, then I would know how good you are at cooking food, that is bad.”
Retired Military Specialist
Decker: “I made a vow never to kill another human being. Sorry General, you’re going to have to find someone else.”
General: “Oh. We weren’t thinking you’d do it. We were hoping you could recommend someone for the job.”
Decker: “I guess I could come out of retirement.”
General: “No need. Just a recommendation will do.”
Decker: “Alright, I’ll do it.”
Continental Breakfast
“And who are you, my little friend? Not a spoon, not a fork, but something inbetween. A fpoon. What will you think of next, ?”
Make-A-Wish
Dr. Gupta “Would you like to play with your favorite basketball team? What about be superman for a day?”
Liam: “I wish to drown a man.”
Insult Comic
“Make fun of the burns.”
My favorite Key & Peele sketch of all time.
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Top Image: Comedy Central
