Amy Schumer Claps Back at Hilaria Baldwin in Escalating Beef

Any celebrity who calls out a stand-up comedian in their self-aggrandizing autobiography is putting themselves in quite a pickle — or, how you say in English, a cucumber?

When a pair of celebrities has been on the front page of so many tabloids for so long, comedians will inevitably hop on the topical gossip and roast the rich a-holes at the center of the story, regardless of what the stars may or may not have done wrong. The media loves a pile-on just as much as the public loves punching up, so Alec and Hilaria Baldwin had no reason to expect that, after years of suffering newsworthy controversies both comical and tragic, the world of stand-up comedy would give them the respectful distance to launch their bizarre reality show and vindictive book tour without mockery.

So imagine Amy Schumer’s surprise when she heard that Hilaria Baldwin — formerly known as Hillary — devoted a sizable section of her new book to denouncing an unnamed female celebrity fitting Schumer’s description, possibly over the comic’s routine about Baldwin’s ever-changing celebrity backstory. After Baldwin wrote about a certain, “famous person, someone I’ve never met, who said nasty and untrue things about me and my family” in her new book Manual Not Included, Schumer shot back at the embattled millionaire in the language Baldwin speaks even better than Spanish: paparazzi photos.

In December 2020, yoga instructor, podcaster and author Hilaria Baldwin went on The Today Show and confused viewers with an inconsistent accent and strange comments about her command of the English language. It took Twitter all of 12 seconds to figure out that, contrary to how Baldwin had presented herself in public and in conflict with the biographic information listed by her agency, Baldwin wasn’t a Spanish woman from Mallorca who spoke English as a second language — she’s actually Hillary Lynn Hayward-Thomas, born and raised in Boston without even un poquito of Spanish heritage or nationality.

Schumer ruthlessly roasted Baldwin for the bizarre, Rachel Dolezalian race controversy in her 2023 Netflix special Emergency , calling Baldwin a “sociopath” and recalling how, when she met Baldwin backstage at Saturday Night Live long before the Today Show debacle, Baldwin told Schumer that she was “from España.” Schumer then commented on Hilaria and her famous husband’s expansive family, “They have a von Trapp amount of children, and they named them all — I’m not sure, but very Spanish names like Jamón, Croqueta and Flamenco.”

“And all of this would be fine and beautiful, except that ‘Hilaria from España’ is actually Hillary from Boston,” Schumer continued. “This woman is in no way Spanish. Her parents are not from Spain. No one in her life is from Spain. You’re going, ‘What?!?!’ Did you think I was just doing a really racist Spanish impression?”

In Manual Not Included, which Baldwin promoted in a chic paparazzi pic where photographers captured her strutting in dark designer clothes while casually carrying the autobiography like it’s a Birkin bag, Baldwin railed against this mystery celebrity who spoke out about her controversy and “even tried to bait me and Alec via Instagram.”

“In this book, is where I can talk about it,” Baldwin wrote of her feelings on this famous mystery critic. “I don’t need to use her name and I don’t want any problems with her, and I would like to be left out of any articles that mention her, because she has nothing to do with me. A total stranger. … No matter what, I hope I never meet her.” 

Despite her desire to distance herself from such a naysayer, Baldwin dramatically declared that she “couldn’t understand how someone could be so inherently cruel.”

Schumer, apparently, caught wind of Baldwin’s preposterous pearl-clutching, and, this past Thursday, she seemed to recreate the runway writer’s viral book photo while carrying a copy of Jonathan Haidt’s bestselling book The Anxious Generation, which explores the impact that the constant presence smartphones, social media and (possibly) reality TV cameras has on kids’ mental health. Schumer even posed for the exact same photographer who snapped Baldwin’s viral photo.

If Baldwin really was writing about Schumer when she cried about this “nasty” and “cruel” celebrity critic, she would do well to take a step back and reevaluate whether or not she really wants to escalate this ive-aggressive cold war with a professional comedian. 

Maybe take a siesta on it.