Megan Mullally Made Nick Offerman Shave Off His Beard

What’s the secret to a long and happy marriage in Hollywood? “One word — girth,” says Nick Offerman. “Girth Frescura, he’s our chef, and he keeps me trim.”

Parks and Recreation. They’ve even published a best-selling book on the subject, their co-authored 2018 book, The Greatest Love Story Ever Told: An Oral History, a title that, presumably bears multiple meanings.

Last night, Offerman appeared on Ron Swanson superfans are used to seeing him — he was completely and utterly clean-shaven. Apparently, Mullally has at least one thing in common with Tammy 1.

“After 23 years, Megan Mullally said to me, ‘I’ve had enough of a mouth full of thistles every time we’re making sweet love,’” Offerman told his host of his conspicuously clean jawline and upper lip. “‘And otherwise, other times than every Tuesday.’ And so, she asked me to be clean-shaven, and I said, ‘I will, I want to stay married to you.’”

However, forsaking facial hair has had unintended consequences for the celebrated actor, author, comedian and woodworker. Offerman explained how exposing his chin and neck to the light of day taught him that he’d been packing a few pounds upstairs, leading to a “Homer Simpson”-esque jawline. “So then I call up Girth and I say, ‘Maybe slip me a little more egg whites, Girth.’”

Since shaving, Offerman has committed himself to a more active lifestyle that’s already paying dividends. “I’ve had to start reading for roles 15 years younger,” Offerman sarcastically complained. It’s amazing what a straight razor and a strict exercise regiment of lovemaking and woodworking can do for a man’s appearance.